This is hilarious.
And one more.
Archive for the ‘humor’ Category
She scares me!
Posted in humor, politics on October 4, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Newsflash
Posted in humor, politics on September 9, 2008| 1 Comment »
Thanks, KC!
Day 2.5
Posted in humor, politics, ridiculousness on September 3, 2008| 2 Comments »
Is everyong going to watch Palin tonight? I’m going to try. Even though conventions are just pep rallies, and the debates are the public appearances that matter, her convention speech is still her official introduction. I don’t think a large amount of people watched the speech she gave when she accepted the Republicans’ offer (lest we remain comfortable with the notion that McCain chose her; he wanted Lieberman, but the party people said they’d throw their full support behind him only if he chose Palin).
I tried to watch some last night. PBS is, without a doubt, the only station to watch. Not only do they cover all of the speeches (at least in the evening; I’ve never checked to see if they run anything during the day), but they avoid the endless garbage coming out of the mouths of most of the network folks.
Anyhow, I turned coverage on during GW’s satellite speech and, well, noun-verb-9/11. Then came Fred Thompson’s speech, which made me run from the room and hide behind a closed door. He was the initial GOP candidate who scared me during the primary–until he showed even less spunk than McCain. He still freaks me out; I know it’s irrational, but ET still freaks me out, too. The speech (even though I couldn’t see it, I could still hear it) wasn’t very good, but Republicans don’t like good speeches–they don’t trust anyone who might be smarter than Joe the cable guy–so it was a roaring success. While watching the Dems at their convention, I often wondered at these “true believers” in the crowd, but the true believers in the GOP are a whole other beast. And I mean that quite literally; these people are absolutely alien to me. Barack Obama will eat your babies!
And then came Lieberman. Not a baby-eater, but one weird dude. I sat and watched his whole speech, tepid applause and all. I found myself not disagreeing with many of the ideas he mentioned, things like putting country before party, and caring about our fellow citizens without the encouragement of a natural disaster, but these aren’t values the GOP stands for. He got virtually no applause for the mildly Democratic notions he put forth, but rousing applause whenever he raised the volume of his voice and said “McCain!” or anything about defeating Obama. I can’t help but feel that racism is the entire foundation of the GOP. Maybe I’ll explore that idea in another post.
Happy watching!
Quote of the Day
Posted in humor, politics on August 9, 2008| 1 Comment »
An old one. I’d seen it before but just came across it again.
I recall having once referred to Republicans as “hairy-backed swamp developers, fundamentalist bullies, freelance racists, hobby cops, sweatshop tycoons, line jumpers, marsupial moms and aluminum-siding salesmen, misanthropic frat boys, ninja dittoheads, shrieking midgets, tax cheats, cheese merchants, cat stranglers, pill pushers, nihilists in golf pants, backed-up Baptists, the grand pooh-bahs of Percodan, mouth breathers, testosterone junkies, and brownshirts in pinstripes.” I look at these words now, and “cat stranglers” seems excessive to me. The number of cat stranglers in the ranks of the Republican Party is surely low, and that reference was hurtful to Republicans and cat owners. I feel sheepish about it.”
–Garrison Keillor
And now, a word from…
Posted in humor, politics on August 5, 2008| Leave a Comment »
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George
Posted in humor, nailing it, politics, sorrow on June 24, 2008| 2 Comments »
Is anyone else totally heartbroken that Carlin died? No one I’ve been around seems to be effected, but all I want to do–instead of work, instead of pack for vacation–is watch George Carlin videos. It’s not fair that someone like him isn’t around anymore. That sounds silly, I know, but he spoke the truth. He is missed.
Pro-Life is Anti-Woman
This one makes me think of my Young-Republican future sister-in-law. “You don’t see many of these white, anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do you? No, you don’t see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? No, that might be something Christ would do.”
Education and the Owners of America
I used to show this one to my students on the last day of class.
Quote of the Day
Posted in humor on March 12, 2008| Leave a Comment »
What punctuation mark are you?
Posted in brainiac, humor on March 6, 2008| 1 Comment »
Hee hee. Courtesy of Chicky:
You Are a Dash |
|
I’ve also learned that I’m a Total Brainiac, I’m a Boston Creme Donut, and my Hair Should Be Purple.
It’s a slow day, people.
“Bitches Get Stuff Done,” Or, The Return of Tina Fey
Posted in girl crush, humor, politics on February 24, 2008| 2 Comments »
So glad SNL is back, so glad their guest host helped dedicate the show to bitches, so glad to hear some sense about Hillary!
Tina Fey is my hero.
Update: The video has been removed from YouTube, but you can see the whole “Women’s News” clip here.
Something We Can All Agree On
Posted in humor, politics, ridiculousness on February 19, 2008| 3 Comments »
…especially now that we’re in the final year of GWB.
Here are the top 50 stupidest things George W. Bush has said (at least on record). Some are genuinely funny slips, but most remind us how terrible these years have been.
Enjoy!
50. “I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here.” -at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
49. “We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.” -Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
48. “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.” -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
47. “I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.” –Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
46. “Tribal sovereignty means that; it’s sovereign. I mean, you’re a — you’ve been given sovereignty, and you’re viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities.” –Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
45. “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.” –at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
44. “You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006
43. “The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th.” –Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007
42. “I’m the commander — see, I don’t need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.” –as quoted in Bob Woodward’s Bush at War
41. “F*ck Saddam. We’re taking him out.” –to three U.S. senators in March 2002, one year before the Iraq invasion, as quoted by Time magazine
40. “Oh, no, we’re not going to have any casualties.” –discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson
39. “I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me.” –talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward
38. “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” –presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
37. “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” –Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000
36. “Do you have blacks, too?” –to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
35. “This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” –as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
34. “My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we’re going to run out of debt to retire.” –radio address, Feb. 24, 2001
33. “I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.” –on “Good Morning America,” Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina
32. “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” –Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
31. “I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” –on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006
30. “They misunderestimated me.” –Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
29. “Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There’s a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It’s kind of muddled.” –explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005
28. “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.” –Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
27. “This is an impressive crowd — the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite — I call you my base.” –at the 2000 Al Smith dinner
26. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” –LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
25. “I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right.” –Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001
24. “See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” –Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
23. “People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in’s house and say I love you.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002
22. “I wish you’d have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I’m sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn’t yet…I don’t want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I’m confident I have. I just haven’t — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I’m not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one.” –after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004
21. “You forgot Poland.” –to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland’s contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004
20. “We’ve got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we’re going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we’re going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is — and it’s hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott’s house — he’s lost his entire house — there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch.” (Laughter) –touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
19. “The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.” –State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false
18. “The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
17. “I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.” –Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
16. “Can we win? I don’t think you can win it.” –after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, “Today” show interview, Aug. 30, 2004
15. “I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.” –Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002
14. “I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job.” –to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004
13. “Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed.” –speaking underneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003
12. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we’ll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven’t found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they’re wrong, we found them.” –Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003
11. “Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!” –joking about his administration’s failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents’ Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004
10. “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” –Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000
9. “As yesterday’s positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.” –on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007
8. “If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” –Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000
7. “I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” –Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006
6. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on –shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” –Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
5. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” –Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
4. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” –Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
3. “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” –to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
2. “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” –to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
1. “My answer is bring them on.” –on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
Any favorites? I’m partial to #28 and #21.
The Landlord
Posted in humor on January 23, 2008| 2 Comments »
If you haven’t seen Will Ferrell’s “The Landlord,” well, then, watch it!
The Landlord on FunnyOrDie.com
How I Feel About the Playoff Results
Posted in humor, sports on January 21, 2008| Leave a Comment »
A Video I Can’t Stop Laughing About
Posted in dog, humor on January 17, 2008| 2 Comments »
I’m posting this video for two reasons:
1. There’s been some talk about finding a little sister for Raul, in the next six months to a year. I’m afraid this very scene might take place.
2. This is a perfect representation of the range of my moods during the last two weeks.
Enjoy!
Posted in feminism, humor on January 9, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Maureen Dowd is a troll. Just saying.
Hysteria Cure
Posted in humor on December 10, 2007| 4 Comments »
Coral M. Bien 